Last year I shared much of
this post with the people who read my e-devotion. For years the book The 5 Love Languages has
been part of the counseling that I have provided to couples before they married
as well as those who were struggling within marriage.
In a marriage class that
Julie and I attended a couple years ago this was also part of the things
shared. Personally we have found great
value in what Dr. Chapman shares in his book, but I’ve also seen God use it in
the lives of other people who are seeking help.
No, it is not a magic ticket to a better marriage or greater
relationships. Yet if we apply the truth
of what it taught, things will improve.
When we value other people
and seek to learn what others need, we will prefer them or place a higher value
on their needs than we will our own needs.
This week I ran into a pastor friend who shared this truth with me as a
living illustration. It really was incredible,
and that is why I want to share this again.
Romans 13:8 NLT
Owe
nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another. If you
love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law.
That verse
requires movement on the person who follows it.
We can life happen around us and not make plans for success. Or look the other direction and make a plan
for success in the relationships that matter to you.
Hebrews 10:24
NLT
Let us
think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.
Look for
ways to make your relationships great.
This book opens our thinking and even the possibilities for greater
days. The 5 Love Languages is a great book from Gary Chapman that guides the reader to
love others without saying the words “I love you”. Learn more about this
book, about the awesome concepts of the books and even take an online test by
going to this website www.5lovelanguages.com.
It is almost
impossible to communicate with someone who doesn’t speak the same language that
you do. Often you have to use an interpreter or a tool that allows you to
talk to that person. This book is a tool
like that.
Here are the
concepts that The 5 Love Languages teaches and what they are about:
Words
of Affirmation — This
is defined as unsolicited encouragement and compliments. Hearing the reasons behind your love lifts
your heart and mind. Insults leave you broken and are not easily forgotten.
Quality
Time — This
quality is be described by
undivided attention. Being there for another
person is critical. Turn off the TV, put down the cell phone… make your special
someone feel special and loved. Distractions,
postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be very hurtful.
Receiving
Gifts — Often
people thrive on receiving
gifts that say “I love you” as well as being thoughtful. The effort behind the gift helps says that
you care. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift can
be disastrous.
Acts
of Service — Anything you do to ease the burden of
another person speaks volumes. Laziness, broken commitments, and making
more work for them, tell those with this love language that their feelings
don’t matter.
Physical
Touch — This is not just about what is to happen in the
bedroom. These people are the touchy, feely kind of person. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and
thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face can all be ways to show
excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility
are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
By learning a
person’s love language you break through their exterior or through a their pain
to where they feel or are sensitive. Let me use my relationship with my
wife Julie as an example, and I must say that she is an incredible person.
Her love languages are “quality time” and “acts of service”. When I chose
to spend time with her or do things to serve her, she knows that I really love
her. Sitting on the couch together or just saying “I love you” isn’t
enough. Married people have to connect on other levels as well. Relationships have to go deeper than surface
level to be successful.
Zig Ziglar said, “to get what you want help someone else get
what they want.” By serving others we learn how relationships really
work. Marriage is the same. Study the person you care about.
Get to know what they like, what makes them happy and what they need.
Taking the time to learn and applying what you learn will make a difference in
your relationship.
Don’t be
selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as
better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but
take an interest in others, too.
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