Tuesday, April 23, 2013

5 Love Languages


Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another.  If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law.

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

Have you heard of the 5 Love Languages?  It is a great book written by Gary Chapman
about how to succeed in our relationships but loving others and not having to say the words “I love you”.  You can learn more about this book and the awesome concepts by going to this website www.5lovelanguages.com.

I have used this books and it’s teaching through counseling and helping people prepare for marriage for about 19 years.  Many of those people have found help when relationships get stale or difficult.  It has been proven to be something that helps couples stay strong or to even reconnect.  It isn’t a miracle drug or a quick fix.  In fact that the 5 Love Languages really do is help you learn someone else’s language.

It is very difficult and almost impossible to communicate with someone who doesn’t speak the same language that you do.  You have to use an interpreter or some kind of tool to allow you to talk to that person.

Here are the 5 Love Languages and what they are about:

Words of Affirmation unsolicited encouragement and compliments.  Saying, “I love you,” is important but hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time — it is undivided attention, being there for this person is critical, really be there.  Turn off the TV, put down the fork and knife down… makes your someone feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift, believe you are cared for.  A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous.

Acts of Service Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing another person will speak volumes.  Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them, tell those with this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch — not all about the bedroom.  They are very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love.  Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

By learning what someone’s love language is you break through their exterior or through a person’s pain to where they feel or are sensitive.  I will use my wife as an example, and I think she is an incredible lady all together.  Her love languages are “quality time” and “acts of service”.  So when I chose to spend that time with her or do things to serve her she knows that I really love her.  Sitting on the couch and just saying “I love you” isn’t enough.  Married people have to connect on other levels as well.

In fact Zig Ziglar said, “to get what you want help someone else get what they want.”  By serving others we learn how relationships really work.  Marriage is much the same way.  Study the person you love.  Get to know what they like and what makes them happy.  Taking the time to learn and applying what you learn will make a difference in your relationship. 

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.  Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

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