Here is a part of a newsletter / article from one of my mentors, Blaine Bartel (you can find his stuff at www.blainebartel.com). This was originally titled How to Handle the Haters. This is a long article, but take some time. Read on…
“To the Haters: Take a number. The line is long, but it moves quickly.” I remember furiously composing this tweet about eight years ago. A long-time friend and former colleague in ministry had just posted a hateful and derogatory comment about me online.
In the moment, it hurt. It spitefully targeted past failures in my life that I had repented of and quite honestly, I was still crawling out of the ashes of all the repercussions. This friend had never reached out to me to have a conversation of any kind.
At the time, I didn’t know how to handle hate. I allowed the poisonous arrows of shame to go straight to my heart. I had imaginations of revenge. I found bitter feelings taking up precious space in my heart.
Justifications for the hurt I was feeling rolled through my soul like a cold north wind.
“He has no idea the price I’ve paid for my failure.” “I wonder what kind of sin he’s covering up?”
Years later, I wrote a final draft of my book, Death by a Thousand Lies. The Lord dropped these words into my soul, “Blaine, there will always be snipers at a Resurrection Parade.”
This idea would become one of the closing chapters and it was during this time that I read the postscript to the story of Lazarus. It is stunning. John pens these words in his gospel account…
John 12: 9-11 J.B. Phillips Translation
"The large crowd of Jews discovered that he was there and came to the scene—not only because of Jesus but to catch sight of Lazarus, the man whom he had raised from the dead. Then the chief priests planned to kill Lazarus as well, because he was the reason for many of the Jews’ going away and putting their faith in Jesus."
Did you see that? The religious crowd was coming for Lazarus. This is nearly unbelievable. Lazarus has already died once, and they were coming to kill him again!
Hate is a powerful and deadly impulse. It blindly and recklessly rages at anything that threatens the hater’s ego, pride, or sense of self-righteousness…
One of the realities I had to come to grips with in my journey back from the dead was this: Even a genuine Jesus resurrection isn’t always going to produce a line of cheerleaders. There will be snipers along the way.
Like it or not, the same is true for you.
Pastor — people will criticize you for the one sermon they don’t like. They will walk out the door and never return… after you’ve baptized their loved ones, performed weddings for their children, and counseled them through their darkest moments.
Divorcee — there will be people who believe and repeat every fabricated story your ex spews out, with no regard for the truth of what actually happened.
Business owner — people will cancel your company in the blink of an eye, post a disparaging review online… simply because you didn’t smile at them the right way when they walked in the door.
The Pew Research Center recently surveyed people in 17 countries in Europe, Asia, and North America, and the USA was the most divided of them all.
We have become a country that loves to hate.
Social media has provided the platform. Politics, culture, religion, and race have provided the fuel. Add to that one other element… our enemy, Satan.
The Apostle John identifies him correctly as “the accuser of the brethren” in his apocalyptic revelation. (Revelation 12:9) Unfortunately, the devil manipulates people as his pawns to bring these accusations. I am astounded at how easily Christ-followers will believe a lie... and then use that lie in an attempt to destroy another brother or sister in Christ.
So how do we handle the haters?
Here are five things the Lord came to my rescue with.
1. Jesus told us this was coming.
Matthew 5:11-12 NIV
“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”
Persecution, insults, lies, and misdirected evil are a part of the Jesus life.
Now let’s be clear, we can’t just call anything that comes our way "persecution." Jesus puts a caveat at the end of this warning… “because of me.”
If you get fired from your job because you are late every day, don’t call it persecution because your boss happens to be an unbeliever. A cursory read of the Book of Acts will give us a good perspective on what real persecution looks like.
2. Haters need a scapegoat.
You can actually develop empathy for a hater when you understand where the hate is coming from.
There are times when someone is struggling, whether it’s low self-esteem, conflicts in relationships, or their own failure... that it feels much better to funnel their negative energy into blaming someone else — rather than confronting the deeper issues in their own life.
Broken people — that remain broken — try to break other people.
I truly believe what I’m about to say… we hate something about ourselves before we hate others. Hate for others is simply redistributed self-hate.
Why do we have hate groups in America? Because it allows people to channel the blame for all of their inadequacies upon someone else — and feel validated by the companionship of kindred souls. Simply put, hate feels better together
3. Live an unoffendable life.
Several years ago, I began asking the Lord to teach me how to live an unoffendable life.
What does that mean? It means that I asking Jesus to give me the grace to stop allowing what other people think about me, say about me, or do to me — to bring offense or indignation into my heart.
Think of it like becoming a wet bar of soap. Offense can't hold on to your soul!
I want to live into a posture where Satan or people cannot pull me into the grasp of their devices or dysfunction.
The writer of Proverbs put it like this, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.” Proverbs 10:12
We can learn how to let the love of God have mastery over the offenses of others.
Remember this… the more you care about what a hater says or does, the more power they have over you…
4. Judge thyself.
One of the reasons I love praying The Lord’s Prayer each day is found in this line in the prayer, “Forgive us trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.”
The assumption in this prayer is apparent.
We all sin. We should recognize our sins. We should humbly ask God to forgive us.
It is then we can demonstrate the compassion to forgive others.
Look at how the Amplified version translates Paul’s admonition to the Christians in Galatia.
Galatians 6:4 AMP
“But each one must carefully scrutinize his own work [examining his actions, attitudes, and behavior], and then he can have the personal satisfaction and inner joy of doing something commendable without comparing himself to another.”
Whenever I have hatred and accusations directed my way, a part of my spiritual process is asking, “Is there some part of this assertion that is true, even if it was not delivered respectfully?”
Self-scrutiny without the shame of condemnation is a good thing.
5. Be both quick and slow.
James reminds us of the quick and slow in living the Jesus life; “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19
He challenges us to bring three things to the table of brotherhood or sisterhood.
1. Listen well.
2. Measure our response carefully.
3. Practice gentleness.
We can stand our ground and defend a righteous life or cause - without outrage.
A few weeks ago, I received a message online from a person who was once a good friend. They brazenly questioned my motives for ministry, without any pretext or rationale.
It would have been a meaningless jab if it had not come from someone whom I was once so close with. But because of our relationship, it felt like an unexpected punch in the gut.
Every impulse in me wanted to fight back and defend myself. But I left it. I knew the best thing I could do was delete the message. Hours later, another message. More vitriol. Are you kidding me? Once again, I read it................ and finally hit delete. Ping! Another message! By this time, I’m ready to drop the gloves (hockey fight term) and set them straight.
It was then God reminded me of all they had been through over the past decade. A difficult divorce. An ongoing battle with addiction. A terrible health struggle. And I caught a glimpse of the pain that was triggering their lashing out. I paused, composed my emotions and said a short prayer for them. There were no more messages. Until the beginning of this week.
I received the kindest note of apology and explanation for everything. It was all I suspected was going on in their life… and more. I returned a reply with love, prayer, and encouragement.
Trust me, I don’t always get this right. My natural default is to be slow to listen, quick to speak and I can have a quick draw towards anger.
Who is on your hater's list right now? A former boss? A spiritual leader that did you wrong? An ex-spouse? A friend who has betrayed you?
Be good to yourself... and good for the Gospel.
Let it go.
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